Perfecting the Alarmist News Story

This article from the U.N. press office certainly has a punchy lede: “Criminal gangs are becoming a threat to the world’s glaciers, which are already receding as a result of climate change.” 

. . . the United Nations said today, citing a case in Chile where police are investigating the theft of some 5,000 kilograms of millennia-old ice from the Jorge Montt glacier . . . . The prosecutor handling the case in Chile reported this week that those implicated in the ice theft had been identified as a result of an investigation that followed the arrest of the driver of a refrigerated truck last Friday.

It’s obvious what the U.N. is doing here. They’re constructing the perfect alarmist news story . Conservatives don’t care about global warming? Throw in one of the Right’s pet issues, like gang violence, and maybe they’ll sign on. I’m surprised the ice thieves don’t also worship satan, hand out free condoms, and commit welfare fraud.

According to a different article about the Patagonian ice banditos, “The going price for all that ice, 5.7 tons in total, is reported to be upwards of $6,200.” A measly six grand? The U.N. should just give them the money, with a note suggesting that they give up their life of crime before they embarrass themselves any further.