Greetings:
Google analytics have shown that you are, in fact, the only person pathetic or lonely enough to be reading this blog on a holiday. You have escaped family and friends to read a blog on Evangelicals and the culture.
Well done.
I am the recently appointed Obama administration czar in charge of, well, czars.
We had been wondering how to contact you until we noticed your strange habit of sitting alone at your lap top when you could be contacting other incarnate souls at parties or social events.
This was good news for us.
I would like to inform you that you are the heir to the Imperial throne of Russia and that we here at the Office of the Czar for Czars have in our possession several millions in monies deposited by the Imperial family in a San Francisco bank.
All you need to do to collect is respond to this post. If you do not respond within the day, we will be forced to use your inheritance for a Cash for Conquerors program.
We would far rather give the money to you than to some petty dictator who has happened to win a war.
Again congratulations on being not just lonely and socially inept, but now rich, lonely, and socially inept.
Sincerely,
Peter Stolypin
Office of Czar of Czars
Dear Reader,
Can I be direct with you?
War abroad. Socialists on the rise. AI upending human life. Endless uproar online. The modern attention economy doesn’t want readers — it wants users enslaved to the tyranny of the present.
First Things is the antidote: literary excellence, timeless truths, and a fixed point of reference in a culture that has lost its bearings.
But we can’t do it without readers like you.
Our goal: Raise $150,000 by November 1 to sustain First Things in the year ahead.
Your gift anchors readers in the permanent things.
Make your Fall Campaign gift now using the button below.
If you have any questions or would like more information, please contact Giovanni Del Piero, Director of the Editor’s Circle, at gdelpiero@firstthings.com or 212-627-1985.
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