Heinz, Heinz, Heinz is on My Side (Or O Fat Betty…)—MAD MEN Studies—Episode 2, Scene 1

MAD MEN is turning into a hyper-conservative display of the joys of highly erotic and totally fulfilling marital life.

The headlines refer to a rather stupid and, of course, failed attempt to contact the Rolling Stones’ manager at a concert during the height of their teeny popularity to do a commercial for the ketchup and beans people with the above lyrics.

The alternative headline is about Don’s first wife geting fat—showing (maybe) that she’s depressed, de-eroticized and so wanting to be unattractive to her second husband, and generally out of control. It turns out cancer was not the cause, which was, of course, good and bad news. With cancer, she would know who she is again and might become, once again, loving and loved. The real problem might well be that Betty longs for her home with Don, despite how understanding and loving her present husband is. That guy is well aware of that possibility, which is why he doesn’t let Betty know Don called to check up on her test results.

Meanwhile, Don is kind, patient, realistic, full of requited longing, and always can’t wait to get home. So his rule over the ad agency is that of a true philosopher, who understands that Pete, for example, has grown up as ad executive (and so has become a highly competent backstabbing jerk) and how to lead Peggy to hire an obviously highly talented and nervous Jewish copywriter. That guy is rather stereotypical or Woody Allenish so far, but we know he’ll soon win Peggy’s heart (beginning by reminding Peggy that she has a heart). Don achieves his beneficent understanding of his co-workers through the right kind of emotional distance. He still has no intention of hanging out with them for pleasure. The same is true, of course, with Megan’s friends. Megan kind of wants Betty dead and to inherit her kids, but Don refuses to think about that possibility. He consoles Betty with the most intimate words and genuine concern, but with no longing to be at home again with her.

It’s natural, I think, to long for Don to descend into at least some jerkdom again.