Donate Now or We’re Calling UPS

As you may or may not remember, last week was Pledge Week . This week (or what’s left of it) is Still Another Pledge Week . . . week.

Most such campaigns promise to send you some premium in exchange for a fat donation . We, on the other hand, promise not to send you any of the following items that I managed to cull from our supply closet, old coffee cans, and under office furniture should you favor us with a similarly corpulent contribution :

• A First Things bowling jacket, size XXL (name tag: Gus)

• The official First Things first thing (not quite sure what it is . . . looks like a very old Etch A Sketch )

• A VHS copy of the “Felix and Oscar Join a Fat Farm” episode of The Odd Couple

• A Miguel de Molinos inaction figure (original packaging, slight tear in lower left-hand corner)

• A red biretta

• An inoperable Beretta

• An 8’x10″ production still from Baretta

• A hotel register with Aimee Semple Macpherson’s signature and IOU

So please, for your sake as well as ours, dig deep, deep (or, better yet, deeply, deeply) into your pockets¯or one of these treasures might just be yours.