Hillary Clinton
It must be nice, it must be nice
To have Washington on your side
Bernie Sanders
Scratch that
This is not a moment it’s the movement
Where all the hungriest brothers with something to prove went
Martin O’Malley
And if there’s a reason I’m still alive
When so many have died
Then I’m willing’ to—
Wait for it
Joe Biden
Never gon’ be President now
That’s one less thing to worry about!
Jeb Bush
They left me no instructions
Just a legacy to protect
Ben Carson
I’m a polymath, a pain in the ass, a massive pain
Ted Cruz
Watch this obnoxious, arrogant, loud-mouthed bother
Be seated at the right hand of the father
Rand Paul
Wasn’t the problem with much of our previous government size?
Carly Fiorina
So men say that I’m intense or insane…
Marco Rubio
I’m just like my country
I’m young, scrappy, and hungry
And I’m not throwing away my shot!
Mike Huckabee
My grandfather was a fire-and-brimstone preacher,
But there are things that the homilies and hymns won’t teach ya
John Kasich
That poor man, they’re going to eat him alive
Chris Christie
Somebody gimme some dirt on this vacuous mass
So we can at last unmask him
OR
Everything is legal in New Jersey
Donald Trump
I get no satisfaction witnessing his fits of passion
The way he primps and preens and dresses like the pits of fashion
OR
I changed parties to seize the opportunity I saw
OR
Adams fires Hamilton, calls him “Creole bastard” in his taunts
Alexi Sargeant is a junior fellow at First Things.
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