Psalms for Haters

Psalm 42.

As the hart panteth after the water brooks
so panteth my soul for retweets, O God.
My soul thirsteth for Facebook likes, for LinkedIn connections:
when shall my friend request be accepted by my God?

My tears have been my meat day and night,
while they continually say unto me, What is thy Klout?
When I remember these things, I go on tweet storms within me:
for I had gone with the multitude,

I went with them to sign up for Twitter,
with the voice of joy and praise,
with a multitude from Brooklyn and the Beltway.
Why art thou vaguebooking, O my soul?
and why art thou disquieted in me?

Hope thou in God:
for I shall yet praise him by photographing my countenance.
O my God, my engagement is cast down within me:
therefore will I Instagram my expensive vacation from the land of Jordan,
and of the Hermonites, from the hill Mizar.

Derp calleth unto derp at the trolling of thy social networks:
all thy two-minute hates and thy hashtag campaigns are gone over me.
Yet Twitchy will command lovingkindness in the daytime,
and in the night #TCOT shall be with me,
and my prayer unto the Gif of my life.

I will say unto my followers, Why hast thou unfollowed me?
why go I mourning because of the oppression of the haters?
As with a sword in my bones, I see my best content go unfaved;
while they say daily unto me, Why can thou not shake it off?

Why art thou cast down, O my soul?
and why art thou disquieted within me?
hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him,
who has followed me back, and is my God.