Messiah Has Come!

Or rather, he came to Europe and has now returned to our shores to grace us once more with his blessed presence. The Times (London) had a delightful piece on his messianic visit across the pond:

The Child was blessed in looks and intellect. Scion of a simple family, offspring of a miraculous union, grandson of a typical white person and an African peasant. And yea, as he grew, the Child walked in the path of righteousness, with only the occasional detour into the odd weed and a little blow.

When he was twelve years old, they found him in the temple in the City of Chicago, arguing the finer points of community organisation with the Prophet Jeremiah and the Elders. And the Elders were astonished at what they heard and said among themselves: “Verily, who is this Child that he opens our hearts and minds to the audacity of hope?”

In the great Battles of Caucus and Primary he smote the conniving Hillary, wife of the deposed King Bill the Priapic and their barbarian hordes of Working Class Whites.

And so it was, in the fullness of time, before the harvest month of the appointed year, the Child ventured forth—for the first time—to bring the light unto all the world.

In the remainder of the report, Gerard Baker, the Times’ US Editor and Assistant Editor, further catalogues the miracles of the Messiah: bringing peace in the Middle East, lowering oil prices, and ending global warming, to name but three.

And he uses the adjective priapic . Get that man a beer.