Can I Get It to Go to Confession for Me, and Talk to Father About Sloth?

Which, I don’t mind sharing, is a constant theme in my confessions. I hope it’s a sign of progress that I actually bother to go to Confession . . .

But I digress. Check this totally out.

Here I am congratulating myself for getting up out of the chair and going bodily to Confession, when what the modern pious lifestyle has to offer me is the chance to pay somebody to have my computer say all my prayers for me.

Information Age Prayer is a subscription service utilizing a computer with text-to-speech capability to incant your prayers each day. It gives you the satisfaction of knowing that your prayers will always be said even if you wake up late, or forget.

Lest this seem perhaps a tad impersonal,

We use state of the art text to speech synthesizers to voice each prayer at a volume and speed equivalent to typical person praying. Each prayer is voiced individually, with the name of the subscriber displayed on screen.

So, that’s all right. God will know it’s me, whether I’m Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Muslim, Unaffiliated, or Other.

My personal sloth demons will be happy to know that I really don’t have to get up out of the chair.

Oh! And!

If your children don’t pray anymore sign them up for one of the many daily prayers available for each religion (click categories at the left). You may also want to have a prayer said for them directly. The prayer for children is the cheapest Information Age Prayer service at only $1.99 a Month.

Hm.

Lonnie. Stop doing that to the baby, Lonnie. Don’t make me get out of this chair . . .

[Rating: -12 out of 100]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, I only meant to make the machine go down to -11. But whatever.

via Ship of Fools