Bin Ladin: Peacenik

Not that bin Laden—his son, Omar, one of the terrorist’s nineteen children. He wants to dispel the myth that all Muslims are terrorists and become “an ambassador for peace .”

Fine.

Step one: Cough up the old man. We’re not buying that he doesn’t have email: EVERYONE HAS EMAIL. How else does he pay his VISA bill?

Step two: Get a haircut and turn down that damn rock and roll music.

Step three: Your wife has been married five times? You may want to keep one eye open for al-Qaeda and the other open for a good food-taster.