Another Reason Not to Watch The Simpsons

. . . may be this .

People are aghast when I tell them I have never seen a single episode of the cartoon, which seems to have been on since Uncle Miltie was causing gender confusion back in the days when doctors did cigarette commercials. And my resistance is by no means due to some anti-TV elitism; years ago, a friend once asked me why I had two TVs along the same wall in my studio apartment. I replied, “Well, what if I look over there , then turn back this way?”

I just don’t care for cartoons. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: They’re simply not real —like, say, Dwight K. Schrute is real. They’re just stick figures that are flipped by a camera lens real fast to make it appear as if they’re moving. What’s up with that?

TVs are for watching reruns of The Bob Newhart Show , anyway.