Honor games are competitive, but the competition is always qualified by the mutual need of honor-seekers. Achilles wants to be the hero of the battle, and that means that Diomedes cannot be. But Achilles’s honor exists only in the respectful regard of other heroes like Diomedes. Honor-seekers can’t consistently wish for the destruction of all rivals, for the destruction of all rivals is also the destruction of honor. Ancient heroes play for keeps, but they are always conscious that even the most bitter enemies are members of the same club.
Enter the woman, and the dynamics change completely. Now the only regard that matters is the regard of the lady, and while it might add to the victor’s delight for the rival to envy the victor’s victory, it’s not essential to the victory. It doesn’t matter whether the rival survives or not. The only thing needful is the love of the lady. Honor is not exactly a zero-sum game; romance is. It’s a winner-take-all game, because there is only one lady.
Chivalry, where the hero battles for the love, is more, not less violent, than ancient honor, where the hero battles for glory.
