We are pleased to offer the below definitions to help clarify some of the most misunderstood terms connected with dating and relationships today —Ed.
Abstinence, n. Exercise to enhance personal core strength
Accountability Partner, n. Senior-ranking actuary
Active receptivity, n. Oxymoron used to describe what women should do by those who have no idea what to do with them
Annulment, n. A way for Kennedy men to dispose of Kennedy women
Barrier methods, n. Cloisters and walls
Biblical womanhood, n. Femininity that promotes male headship; e.g. Judith and Holofernes, Salome and John the Baptist
Boyfriend, n. What she thinks he is and he thinks he isn’t
Breakup, n. Change in tone and register at puberty
Broho: Slang, brother who lives on or near Houston Street
Chastity speaker, n. One who encourages others to save room for first ’course
Chivalry, n. (obs.) Rare personality disorder afflicting males, manifests concern for opening doors and paying bills
Conjugal union, n. Two people coming together, in order to exchange verbs
Courtship, n. A period of trial and error, in civil cases
Crazy, adj. Too enthusiastic, honest, or passionate for a man’s taste
Date, n. Indicate or expose as being old-fashioned
Like, v. To take pleasure in social media
Discernment, n. Stringing along a member of the opposite sex, for the love of God
Douche, n. A cold shower
Emoticon, n. Written image used as an aid to devotion
Emotional pornography, n. To bare your soul hard-core to a soft-core audience
Feminine genius, n. Female employee at the Apple Bar
Friends with benefits, n. A person with whom one shares a bond of charity
Friend zone, n. Section of the School of Athens occupied by Platonists
Girlfriend, n. (obs) Gendered term once applied to one’s cis, female-identifying partner
Hang out, n. Undefined. (See “Intentionality”)
Hookup, n. To link arms
K, exclam. A letter of agreement, often binding
Humanae Vitae, n. Popular relationships guidebook written by Pope Paul VI
Intentionality, n. An aim of a serious matter, requiring sufficient reflection, with full consent of free will
Love, n. A score of zero; nil
Marriage, n. (See ‘Conjugal’)
Missionary, n. One who bears the gospel of Christ
MRA (Men’s Rights Activists), n. Men who ascribe to women all the vices they discover in themselves
NFP, n. Not For Profit disorganization
Nice, n. Without distinguishing characteristic
Novena, n. Nine successive rejections
One night stand, n. Single bedside table
Online dating, n. Sharing an Ethernet connection with strangers
Open, adj. Subject to change
Open relationship, n. Subjected to exchange
Poly, abbreviation. Person excessively or blindly optimistic about the logic of love
Prayer, n. Asking God for a date, when asking others has failed
Procreative sex, adj. The artistic output of young professionals
Radical availability, adj. Long-term unemployment
Right swipe, v. How something begins that will end to the left, to the left
Self-Gift, v. Treat yo self!
Sext, n. A service consisting mainly of reading of the Psalms forming part of the Divine Office of the Western Christian Church, traditionally said at the sixth hour of the day
Sexual Revolution, n. A non-consensual exchange of bourgeois and bohemian norms
Single, n. Basic unit regarded as complete but which can also form a component of a larger whole
Soul mate, n. One who assists on the ship ferrying a soul to Hades
Spiritual Director, n. Terrence Malick
Theology of the Body, n. A series of letters written by John Paul II exhorting men and women to compliment each other more frequently
The Naked Public Square, n. The removal of the emperor’s new clothes
Tinder, n. Dry, flammable material
Titular See, n. Anticlimactic, despite anglicized pronunciation of In-Parti-bus Infideli-um
Vespers, n. Songs exchanged at sunset between lovers
Zelophobia, n. Intense or irrational fear and jealousy of everything from A to Z
